Your Honor my name is Janelle Anderson and I honestly can’t tell you why I’m being
charged with assault and battery. Here’s what happened. I went to my local coffee shop like I do every Tuesday at 8:23 a.m. and ordered my medium vanilla latte with caramel syrup and fifteen pumps of strawberry sauce. When the idiot of a barista gave me my order it was in a large cup your Honor. He said, “We didn’t have medium cups and they were only going to charge me for a medium coffee.” This was despicable! I wanted a medium latte! A MEDIUM!I told the barista he needed to give me a refund and to give me a coupon for a free drink next time I visit the coffee shop. Was I going to use the coupon a month after it expired? Probably. That’s besides the point, and you may ask, ‘Janelle, why would you care about getting a large drink when you ordered a medium? That’s an upgrade right?’ That’s because when I’m an hour late for work I pour the medium drink into my own coffee mug so it looks like I made coffee at home. I can’t pour a large coffee into my mug. If I try to drink the rest of it, the coffee will burn my mouth and I promise I would sue that coffee shop! Did I hit the barista? I mean… yes. But, in my defense he tried to take the coffee back from me because they can’t give me a refund and let me keep my latte! And may I add another thing. The manager came to the front of the coffee shop and told ME to get out. That was just plain rude and disrespectful. I told the barista that I was going to get him fired AND get the manager fired. I didn’t even get my latte because I got so mad that I threw it on the floor! Your honor in all honesty the only person here today that did anything wrong its the stupid barista! … What do you mean I’m guilty?… you know what, let me see YOUR manager!