The River in My Heart
The Mississippi River is the second largest river In North America; however, if you ever ask me, I’d tell you it’s the biggest river in my heart. Matter of fact it’s the biggest river in my family’s blood stream. Whenever I was a little girl being raised up in New Orleans, I had a beautiful brindle Pitbull that had passed away from heart failure. I still remember the day clear as ever; my dad walks through the door with tears streaming down his face.
Rivers…
“Dad what’s wrong?” I asked
“Rudy… she’s gone” he replied.
“Gone where?”
“Gone to Lake Pontchartrain.”
Rivers…
Every Summer in the third week of July my family drives home to New Orleans and sit at the beachfront at Lake Pontchartrain and eat seafood, sausages, and turkey necks from Lucky Jeans. Today was the first day I’d be going by myself. My brothers currently stationed in Puerto Rico, my dad passed away a year ago, and I’ve only had a mom on the day I was born. It’s silly of me to go by myself, I know; but I miss the smell of freshwater, and the beautiful sting of the sun on my golden back.
As I’m on my way home, I play this old school playlist on Spotify to listen to as I drive. Instantly Regina Belles’ voice drowns out the busy sound of traffic: “when I dream, I dream in color, I want a love, not just a lover”. My grandfather always wanted me to sing this song and upload it on YouTube. I never did, and though I’d like to finally make my grandfather’s wishes come true he’s no longer here to smile at the warmth in my voice. Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face.
Rivers…
“Grandpa want to hear me sing this song I like?” I asked
“Yeah babe” he replied.
I then sung to him “Wait a Minute” by willow smith. He smiles.
“You sound good babe, but I want you to learn this song “Dream in Color” by Regina Belle and sing it for me, the next time I visit. This song will come from your heart, and that is when you’ll sound your best.”
Rivers…
I instantly change the playlist, in attempt to recover from my somber mood. Finally, I decide to play today’s R&B hits. Instantly Ella Mai’s voice dries the tears the tears from my eyes: “I Hope you fall, and you break your heart like you broke mine”. My childhood friend Stella who was like a little sister to me would always sing this song when her sister Sade played it. Me and Stella were very tight, we both had issues with our mothers; we both tried so hard not to turn into our mothers. Stella passed away from an overdoes about a year back, and I can’t help but wish it were me instead. Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face.
Rivers…
Her short curly hair as black as the polluted night sky blows in the wind as the chilly humid riverwalk air hits her skin. However, the light from her dinosaur rainboots create a light show on her black Nike jacket, faded black jeans, and the caramel of her skin that can be seen through the holes on her jeans. Her Caramel thighs and knees would be golden if the sun were to shine on them. The light from her rainboots also reveal the glowing tears that are streaming from her midnight eyes. She’s standing on a little bridge. I want so bad to comfort this little girl but the closer I walk towards her the more she fades. The more she fades into the Mississippi river.
Rivers…
By the time I make it home it’s 3.35 am in the morning. I should probably check in to my room at the hotel, but I feel like I cannot breathe. I drive straight to Lake Pontchartrain. When I make it there, I get of my car and make my way to the steps. I take off my shoes, then my socks, and I sit on the step closest to the water, but not too low; just enough to put my feet in the water. I can hear my dad complaining now, telling me to back up before the current gets too strong. Telling me that if I fall in, no one will be able to save me and that I’d be in the Mississippi River before I know it, that I’d be in the Gulf of Mexico before I know it. I lift my hands up and I hold on to the rail, so I won’t slip away, but I keep my feet in the water. I want to feel close to everything I’ve lost. Before I know it, my mind goes blank, and I am asleep.
Rivers…
I am okay, I am breathing, and I see the light that comes after you’ve been made free. I’m alive.
Rivers…
When I wake up a man is over me, asking me who the president is. I look away from him and to my right I see the water. As bad as I want to go back to the water, I decide not to. I get up and fearlessly and calmly tell the man, “I’m fine, I’ll be heading home now. Thank you for your help”. I’m okay. I can finally breath again, yet my heart is still drowning in the Mississippi river alongside my brothers and sisters.
Stylus 